Use this smart phrase to instantly improve problem-solving in your team
With just one sentence you tap into a widely overlooked potential among us with the power to solve the world’s toughest challenges.
I'm working in a coworking open space today, and across the room, I see something familiar.
It’s a dynamic of three people sitting around a table having some sort of professional conversation (job interview, team meeting). I can only observe.
Two men and one woman. One middle-aged man, and the other two are young professionals.
The only face I can see is that of the woman. She smiles, nods, and listens with all her attention. But she doesn't speak. She's completely absorbed in the conversation, but her thoughts and insights aren't shared.
I know this woman very well. I've been this woman many times. And I've also sat in sessions with this woman many times.
Her perspective on the conversation could make all the difference. But we'll never know.
So I ask myself every time: Why does this woman sit there so patiently, so calmly?
Is she super polite?
Is she afraid to speak?
Is it her favorite thing to do, to sit there and say nothing?
When I was that woman, I was polite above all. I was also fearful. And I had the most brilliant things in my head - all at once. Which I'd only later share with a friend. Out of frustration that I couldn't voice them sooner. It's easy to blame others, "Why didn't they listen to me?", "Why didn't they ask me for my input?", "Why is this colleague being praised for sharing my solution?"
Now (many years and tears later) I know that blaming others doesn't help me, others, or the problem we're trying to solve.
I should share, whether I'm afraid or not. There's nothing rude about that. And if my voice is shaky or quiet in the first sentence, I’ll get louder in the second. I don't need to wait to be invited. I’m already there.
So why do women keep doing this? Especially young women. Why do they start their careers by making themselves so small?
In my case, it's what I've been told over and over again from a very young age: be quiet, be nice, don't yell, nod and smile, don't take up too much space, and please make sure people always like you."
When I speak my mind at a table where I'm the only woman: I reap a lot of frowns and sighs. And everyone rushes to move on to the next topic, ignoring what I’ve said. I can promise you that this isn't a very welcoming atmosphere.
Speaking of a non-inviting atmospheres, here is a recent article (in Dutch) in the fd newspaper about the masculine Anglo-Saxon corporate culture in the Netherlands.
Years ago, I wrote this post below on LinkedIn calling out the tendency of women to exclude themselves. And I still think that this conversation is much more about exclusion than it ever was about inclusion. But hey, we have to keep up with the hashtags, right?
Years later, I can laugh when I get the sighs and frowns from male team members. We're indeed not the same, we see things very differently, and I know that can be uncomfortable for each of us. At the end of the day, I'm glad we have different perspectives at the table. Let's invite more.
Now when I'm in a meeting where a woman is present and not speaking, I actively invite her to the conversation. Regardless of seniority or position. Every person at the table has an interesting perspective! Whether everyone in the room appreciates that perspective is irrelevant when it's innovative problem-solving that you want.
It's been 6 months since International Women's Day
International Women's Day was 6 months ago now. Can you remember what you posted on your social media that day? How about the promises you or your employer made in March? Have you found ways to follow up those words with concrete actions?
Here are two things you can do today:
1. The one sentence that will improve team problem-solving! Kindly ask the next woman you meet in a meeting who has been silent the whole time to give her opinion by asking: "[First name], what do you think about this?" That’s all it takes!
2. If it's you: Start speaking your mind, brilliant woman! That's what you're here for! You don't have to wait for your invitation to speak.
And remember, every time you do, you make it easier for the next person to do the same. And together, we’ll make it more comfortable to hear other perspectives. Allowing our teams to solve problems weigh faster.
There is a huge untapped potential among us. With the power to solve the world’s toughest challenges. They're in each of our families, in each of our teams. Let’s involve them. Let’s stop excluding ourselves! And the world won't know what hit it.
Does this help you in any way? Be sure to let me know. For I couldn’t think of another reason to write this than for you 🙏 And if not, allow me to be better. Your thoughts would be much appreciated in a comment or reply.
Would you like to continue this conversation? Or start this conversation with your audience or team? Book me as a facilitator or speaker for your event or meeting. Send me a message at future@marleen-mulder.nl to receive the full brochure.
There is so much more to say. And not just by me. That is why in the section below I’m sharing other people’s stories. Go ahead and choose your favorite.
Much love,
Marleen
LET YOUR STORY ILLUMINATE THE WORLD
Below you’ll find a collection of inspiring stories. And I’m curious to know your stories too. After reading this and after reading the powerful messages below, what personal story are you reminded of from your own experience?
Share them in a comment for others to relate to or with me personally at future@marleen-mulder.nl. I can’t wait to hear from you! And if you let me, I want your story to be heard by others too. Let your light make it easier for the next person to do it too. And together our stories will light up paths and places we never knew before.
If there is one way to break any discomfort, tell any story, or build common ground, I believe, it is humor. Go and watch this reel (and more) by Liz Plank @feministabulous.
Remember this one each time you hold yourself back, for whatever reason. Don’t self-reject, and don’t exclude yourself. Allow others a chance to include you. This post above is from the days when I was an ambassador for Future Females at their local chapter in Utrecht, the Netherlands. Future Females is an international community supporting and growing the success of female entrepreneurs. You’ll notice I will pull more from this network since it has been the start of many beautiful things in my life and career.
Meet Kellie Gerardi, a woman astronaut in training. She shares the inspiring story of where she’s going (hint: beyond this world 🚀) and where she came from. A reminder that if we manage to push or pull ourselves just a bit further than we dare to go, we clear away a path for others to step in. A path that wasn’t lit before. Acts of courage of mothers and daughters. And how their stories can illuminate the world.
Lastly, I’m adding this item that was sent to me by a dear friend who read the draft of this article and immediately connected it to this post she came across earlier. To disappoint people regularly stands out the most for me. So wild, so discomforting to hear. It stirs up so many emotions and thoughts in me. Even for me, someone who is all for this. Who, I now realize, is also still trying - 24/7 - to live up to this standard, to never ever disappoint others.