My discomfort with last year's women's day

Throwback to March 8th 2023

Dear reader,

The following article was published on LinkedIn on March 8, 2023. It received valuable comments from two peers and led to an exciting interview (if only I had recorded it). In the run up to this year’s Women's Day, I’m re-reading and re-evaluating. I have been watching Barbie, reading De Omwenteling - of de eeuw van de vrouw (Suzanna Jansen), and looking into feminine archetypes (Anna Heimkreiter). I find myself talking to men about the words used in feminism and their effectiveness. About my brain’s auto-safety checks everywhere I go (and the discovery that my husband never does this). About ‘work days’ and ‘days off with my child’ and wanting to flip the picture: Raising a child is important work too.

Perhaps there will be another letter in March in which I go into all this in more detail. Would you like to read it? If so, I will be sure to send it to you next month. Please participate in this poll below.

For this year’s Women’s Day, I keep coming back to wanting to “make space” and allow more femininity in the world. In each of our lives, in each of our professions. Appreciating all that is seen as feminine, the liberating feeling that comes with it and the healing powers it can bring to the world.

That takes great courage. To explore the feminine in yourself, to see and appreciate it in others, and then to embrace it as a force for change. There is still a lot of space to create for all of this. Are you with me on this journey?

Gender (e)quality

"What's your take on this year's #womensday, Marleen? You must have a point of view, as you advise employers and teams on how they can most benefit from gender diversity."

In fact, I've been thinking about Women's Day on and off over the past few weeks. I've seen a lot of organizations calling attention to this day this year. That's a good thing. But once the conversation gets going, it's often time for me to move on and kick off the next one.

Is there anything for me to say this year? Then I heard the song "Raise your glass" by #Pink

So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty-gritty, dirty, little freaks 
Won't you come on and, come on and raise your glass? 
Just come on and, come on and raise your glass

And that got me thinking: it's never going to be finished. We're never all going to be the same. We should treat each other as equals, but we will never really be the same. And that's something we should cherish today and in the future!

• The unique qualities of the sexes, or rather, of individuals.

• And remember that they are not necessarily the same as the qualities that make up a company or a team.

In the corporate dynamic, sometimes your unique qualities are accepted and sometimes they are not. Sometimes they are valued and sometimes they are not. Sometimes they make you successful and sometimes they do not. We have all been on both sides at one time or another.

Alarm bells 🔔

What happens is that we hide the qualities we think fit the least. To be more popular, to be more equal, to fit in.

When you start to dim some parts of yourself to fit in, everyone loses. And at that point, all alarm bells should ring. For you personally, for your team, and for your company in general.

It starts at the job interview, where applicants are encouraged to fit into a profile!

What makes us good in anything we do is not just the trick we do and how well we do it, but the personality we bring to the table. And how that personality engages with others. And how that combination contributes to society as a whole.

And often we behave very harmoniously. We get along well with each other. We agree with each other. And find more and more people who do the same. We create this bubble and forget to make room for disagreement, for speaking our own truth, and inviting opinions from outside the bubble. Because it's all far too uncomfortable.

Yet it's in this discomfort that all the gold lies: better problem-solving and innovation, which is what companies and teams crave most. And personal growth on an individual level, to say the least.

Cherish the discomfort 🤗

So if you're encountering something uncomfortable in your job right now, that's your cue to steer the conversation toward it. This is one of your unique qualities encouraging you to speak up.

We tend to focus a lot on how others treat us, and how they make us feel. Especially in the #genderequality movement, I feel there is a lot of fingerpointing at the others. But in doing so, again, you give away your power. Closing the circle that started this movement in the first place.

What about you, darling? How do you engage with your employer, fellow colleagues, and 'society'? And ultimately with yourself?

Do you show your strength? Your beauty? All the wonderful gifts you have?

They are the ones made very visible when you least fit in. When what you believe in doesn't meet your current situation. It's uncomfortable, but it's your truth.

This is how you lead. Yourself to a better place and others with your example of strength and truth.

Moving forward, let's talk about gender qualities and cherish the discomfort in this narrative and in each of our personal journeys too.

And to all the companies that now have endorsed gender equality, I’d like to say: now that you've joined, try to raise the conversation.

Do you want to know how you can do this? And why you should do it? And how you can continue this conversation with your team or your audience? Book me as a facilitator or speaker for your next meeting or event. Please send me a message at future@marleen-mulder.nl to book your complimentary discovery call.

Find out more at marleen-mulder.nl

Excessive caution destroys the soul and the heart,
because living is an act of courage,
and an act of courage is always an act of love.

- Paulo Coelho

I'll end with this beautiful love quote from Coelho. Love and courage have the same origin - so from my heart to yours - I wish you a happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

Marleen