I've truly missed you
And I've missed our conversations about work and all the things we go (/grow) through.
Today’s inconveniences
The other day, I met up with one of my friends. We hadn't seen each other in a long time. I was glad to see her. And the coffee was good. We exchanged stories about our lives: Friends, family, work. Isn't it amazing how much another person's story has to do with your own? It always does! Then she told a story that stirred something in me. I actually burst into tears right there in the cafe.
The tears just wouldn't stop. I can tell you that it was a little uncomfortable. Being in a public place. And I didn't want my friend to feel uncomfortable. And I had to go to another meeting and say goodbye, which was also weird timing. It felt good to cry, though. Even if I couldn't make sense of it right away.
She told me how much she loved her new job, the people she now works with, the work she gets to do, and the impact she makes. Then she told me that she was supposed to share duties with a colleague, but that colleague wasn't very receptive from the beginning. Working with someone who doesn't want to do that is a challenge. My friend tried to sit down with her and come up with a plan. To find a way to work together. But again, the co-worker refused to cooperate. And over time, my friend realized that she was being intentionally kept in the dark by her colleague about ongoing procedures and updates. My friend was very unhappy with the situation. She finally approached her supervisor and resigned from that part of her job. The supervisor was very understanding. And later, other colleagues also praised her for the way she handled the situation.
That's the story from beginning to end. But can you imagine the time in between? You enter a new work environment, you have to find your way. You hope to find nice colleagues to work with. And then that awful feeling when it doesn't work out. And you still have no idea how to deal with the situation. And then you muster up the courage and sit down with people to find a solution. And finally you decide to let go. That this is not yours to carry. Yours to fix. Ultimately, you let go.
In our conversation, I talked a lot about life with a child. And the career with a child in the last two years. And about finding my way. My friend shared that so many of her close friends have had babies in the last few years and that she misses their friendship. I can relate to that a lot too. I feel like I've neglected a lot of my friendships since becoming a mom. And I miss the friends who have also become mothers. And I see them struggling to maintain their old lives.
Stirring sand and water
The other day in yoga class, we practiced "mud." If you put a glass of muddy water down, after a while the sand sinks to the bottom and the water becomes clear. In life, we're constantly stirring and being stirred. And often forget to pause and wait for the sand to settle and the water to clear again. In yoga class we moved our bodies and then stopped to let our own sand sink and our water become clear.
So I applied that lesson here as well. The talking and the crying being the stirring of sand and water. My moment alone to write, the stillness where everything can sink in.
Was it her story that moved me?
Was it the courage and leadership she displayed?
Was it her feeling that she missed having people to share the experience with?
Was it my guilty conscience for abandoning her as a friend?
Was it my feeling or hers?
A great reminder
It's all of the above! (although I still need to check the last one)
I've missed these stories! Before the baby, this was my life and my work. I ran another business where we helped companies attract, retain and grow female talent. There I shared my work stories, all the awkwardness, all the failures and difficult conversations. And we celebrated the growth that came out of it. And the inspiration for others that came from those same stories after that. But most of all, I've missed the support. Having it. Giving it. Creating loving communities for it.
After the baby was born and my co-founder also gave birth, we decided to stop and close the business. We just couldn't do it all at once. And I still stand behind that decision. But to be honest, with all the bliss in the pictures and postcards, having a baby is also a grieving process. A goodbye to the life before the baby.
After the sand of the conversation with my friend had settled, it became so clear: I'm not saying goodbye to that part of my life, to those conversations. They'll stay. They have to stay.
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Let’s keep pouring those coffees. Spilling those beens. And let things be messy. Be muddy. And let’s catch each other while it all sinks in.